"Thus We Probably Wouldn't Hold Hands Either?"

Picture: Daphne Buter 

They were the kind of people who lived in a city and they always whined about that city. And in the evenings, when they did not fight, they dreamed about a house in the country.

“If we lived on a farm we would be asleep now,” the man said on one of these evenings, when the couple was watching a show on TV.

“Of course we wouldn’t be asleep,” his wife said annoyed, “we would lay on our back in a meadow, hand in hand, gazing at a million stars.”

“But it is winter,” her husband said agitated. “It is ridiculous to imagine we would lay in the freezing cold this time of year.”

“Ok, whatever, “ the woman said waving her hand at him. “Maybe you are right about that. We probably wouldn’t lay down in a frozen meadow then. You are always right, aren't you? Thus we probably wouldn't hold hands either?"

"Exactly," the husband replied, "and there wouldn’t be millions of stars, because the sky would be filled with black clouds, bursting with snow." He raised his index finger for a second. "And you know what else woman? That snow would fall down on our farm.”

“I see," his wife answered. "Well, and next we would freeze to death because there wouldn't be any wood for the stove.”

The husband looked at her suspiciously and added “And why wouldn't there be any wood for the stove?”

His wife replied, "You aren't much of a woodchopper, are you?”

“This really pisses me off,” the man shouted. “How can you be so sure that I'm not much of a woodchopper? Have you ever seen me chop any wood? No, you haven't, you stupid bitch…”

“Now hear what you just said, “his wife said laughing sharply. “That is exactly why you aren’t much of a wood chopper, you fool...”

“You know what?” the man added from between his teeth. “I’m sure one day you would decide you would rather live in the fucking city and you would dream about a house in a town, and one day we would move out of that beautiful place and we would find ourselves an ordinary house in an ugly city." Then he shouted: "Actually I’m sure we would buy the fucking house we live in right now, and we would watch TV, evening after evening, fighting about stupid little things.”

Next there was a big silence between them.

“You are such an asshole,” the woman said after some time, “If that were true, then how come we are so unhappy?”